Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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