YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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