ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
