Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
