Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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