Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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