I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
