I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
