yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
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Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
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I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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