I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
