i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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