He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize