I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
