Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
