The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
