I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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