I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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