k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize