My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
