I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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