I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
