Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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