So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
