my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
