I didn't shave. On purpose
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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