I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
