How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My bed smells like the plague
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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