I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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