Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
