I wish I could teleport
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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