Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
