Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
