Need sex. Gaining weight.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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