new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize