I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
