Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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