I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
