break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
