just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Never let your siblings swipe right.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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