so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
