his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize