I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
