I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
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90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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