Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
