Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There's even glitter on my cock...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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