She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The best revenge is premature balding
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize