I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
