Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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