i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
