should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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