When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
