I wanna bring you to show and tell
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize