If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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