The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize