I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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