The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
