I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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