Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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