I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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