u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
