I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
