there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
