just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
