It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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